Texts From Last Night

I am so confused right now. My ex (Little Man's father) started sending me a bunch of text messages this morning with numerous pictures from when we first started dating. For one I'm wondering why he has these pictures from 5 years ago on a cellphone that he just got Friday. I don't even have these pictures anymore at all. Along with the pictures the message read, "Do you remember the days when you actually loved me" and when I asked why he was sending these he responded with "We need to remember those days and make new ones". This is all weird coming from someone who hated my guts just last week. I don't know what to think.

You see 4 months ago I made the decision to end our relationship. I packed up 2 big suitcases and was gone. It's not that I didn't love him anymore we just didn't work. I had been feeling like I was settling and that our love for each other wasn't enough to keep the relationship going. I struggled for months with the decision but in the end I grew a pair and made the right decision for us. I wanted to end the arguing that had been putting un needed stress on ourselves and most of all our son.

Ever since our son was born it had been almost constant conflict. We come from two completely opposite backgrounds and upbringings and although it didn't matter when we were dating, throwing a child in the mix turned it into a big thing. As I family I wanted to go on vacations, have picnics in the park, go to the zoo etc all the things I remembered doing with my family. M (Little Man's dad) on the other hand didn't care for any of those things. He didn't have a family growing up so he didn't know why I was making everything a big deal. His main concern was making sure we had money because he didn't want Little Man to experience what he had as a kid. Not having food in the house, not having toys, new clothes etc. When I suggested things to do he never wanted to be involved. In fact he never was involved in anything. He rather sit in the house alone playing video games or buying random techno gadgets and drinking with friends. His explanation was always "This is the first time in my life I've had money. I want to enjoy myself and be a kid. I never had a childhood like you".

While I understand him wanting to do things he never got to do, the fact that we have a child means he can't ALWAYS do what he wants. Our relationship just got to the point where we both resented each other. I wanted him to act more like a partner and father and he disliked the fact that I was asking him not to do things that I myself had got to do. That is how our relationship deteriorated. We couldn't get past this. No amount of talking, explaining, worked and he didn't want to get counseling so I left. I felt like my son and I deserved someone who was present and willing to engage with us. Not someone who comes home and says "hey, I got this new video game so I won't be able to go to the fair with ya'll" or even though we haven't seen him the whole week "I just came home to get some things cuz the guys want to have a big weekend for so and so birthday".

I thought we closed this chapter in our life. What could he possibly want? Although, it would be nice for Little Man to have both his mom and dad present, I'm not trying to go back there. In the end things always end up the same. I've fallen for it before and refuse to put my life on hold again.

<3 Kim

Burnt Out

I feel so burnt out right now. I absolutely love, love, LOVE being a mom but recently it's become super draining (more than usual). I feel like every day is a constant struggle with the recent onset of THE TANTRUM. Seriously, these aren't little fits anymore, they last long and involve yelling, crying, hitting, toy throwing, and rolling on the floor. Oh, not to mention I'm on my own for this because his dads in LA LA land and I don't mean Los Angeles.

I don't even want to blog because I can't hear myself think. I'm also pretty sure that's why I've been hardcore about losing weight and getting in shape. It's something I can do to burn off stress and feel more in control of life. You know instead of planning  life around naptimes and mealtimes and levels of crankiness.

So here is to 14 months...which according to babycenter says a toddler will take joy in making others yell and cry.

<3 Kim


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Flab to Fab Friday #2

It's time for another Flab to Fab Friday hosted by Christa at Little BCBG. Before I start did anyone notice that last week's post said Fab to Flab? I just noticed that today. I'm definitely not trying to get fat.

This week I am down 5 pounds. I'm pretty excited. If you haven't read this post by Jess then you should go read it. Seriously, you can go now. Then come back and read this.

For the most part I eat healthy but I have an addiction to cheese and sweets. OK, I don't sit on my couch with a pint of hagen daz and I don't eat a whole container of oreos but if there's a cookie I'll say "wow, I ate well today, I'll just have a cookie" and then I'll say "wow, I worked out hard that double chocolate fudge cake won't kill me. And this is the reason why I have maintained all the weight I lost and not lost more. Duh! Anyway along with sugar and cheese I gave up bread. We only buy multi grain and whole wheat breads but I would find it so easy to make myself a grilled cheese (with extra cheese) sandwich since I already had the stuff out to make Little Man one. The only time I eat bread now is if I'm going to run a lot. That is a tried an true method before I run I eat a slice of whole wheat toast w/ almond butter and banana slices on top. I still NEED that. Oh, I also don't eat pasta anymore. When I feel like pasta we've been eating spaghetti squash. Little Man loves it and I don't think he knows it's not spaghetti.



Other than that I've been running 3 days a week and doing the 6 week 6 pack 3-4x a week along with some strength training. I'm drinking a lot of water and eating mostly veggies, fruits, beans, and meats. I also did a little googling on clean eating after Jess' post and picked up Clean Eating Magazine while  at the grocery store over the weekend. So far we've tried a breakfast recipe and an entree which were totally good and I'll write more on that some other time. But if you want Clean Eating recipes Jess has some here and here!



See that plate? That's a lot of food but it's all good. I roasted a sweet potato and the brussel sprouts, made a salad of spinach, carrots, tomato, there are chunks of cucumber somewhere, and then added some leftover baked chicken we had that I was using to make a soup.  It was sooo good to eat after my run too. I eat like a beast after a run.

Lastly when I'm craving something sweet, I eat a baked apple. They are soo good seriously. Core and peel an apple and sprinkle cinnamon, nutmeg whatever inside and bake it in the oven in a pan w/ about an inch of water. So good. Too lazy to wait? This is when we cut up little cubes, sprinkle with cinnamon and put it in the microwave for a minute.


That's all I got. So happy getting back in to shape journey to all of you!!!
<3 Kim

Flab to Fab Friday #1

This past week has been pretty good. I am eating right and have added a ton more fruit and vegetables to my diet. On top of eating right I’ve upped my water intake and have also been drinking a lot of hot herbal tea with local honey I got from the farmers market. I love the herbal tea at night because it keeps me from mindlessly munching on things when I stay up late watching trashy TV such as The Real Housewives and Jerseylicious.

On top of eating well I have worked out everyday since last weeks post. When I first wake up in the morning I feed Little Man and then I do Jillian Michael’s 6 week 6 pack. I also have been continuing to run because I really want to do another race come spring.

Weekly Workouts
Monday: is my rest day for running
Tuesday: 1.44 mile run (according to the plan it was supposed to be 1.5 but my running app measured the 1.44)
Wednesday: It snowed freaking 27 inches!!!! I stayed in all day and did a strength training workout on Exercise TV On Demand. I also did 8 miles on the stationary bike.
Thursday: The roads were too icy to run so I did a Jillian Michael's Boost Metabolism workout and Bootylicious Buns all are On Demand this month so it was free!!!
Friday: I've only done 6week 6 pack so far today.

Lastly, I want to add that yesterday was my birthday and I may or may not have had one of those molten chocolate cakes and a couple spoonfuls of vanilla bean ice cream. It was delicious! I don’t feel guilty, you have to live life and this is my one day! I love Longhorn Steakhouse though because they are very accommodating to you’re dietary needs and their healthy options are not disgusting like many restaurants. I ended up getting the salmon and brown rice (which I have always loved) and steamed mixed veggies, and steamed asparagus for my sides.

I haven’t lost any weight but I haven’t gained any either.  I also want to add I have a seriously crazy right bicep. Apparently carrying Little Man around has really toned my right arm. Everything is so firm and I can actually make a GOOD bicep now. I definitely need to start carrying him on my left arm now.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Flab to Fab Friday Intro

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Finding out I was pregnant was a complete shocker to me. M and I weren’t trying and I happened to be a few weeks away from my college graduation. I wasn’t in the shape I wanted to be in for graduation let alone the shape I needed to be in to carry a child. At the time I was still trying to lose weight from the freshman 15 and sophomore 25 that I had gained from countless nights of drinking, taco bell runs, pizza with the guys, not to mention M and I with our midnight chili cheese fries from Cookout and the wonderfulness that is their milkshakes.

Since I couldn’t dedicate myself enough to lose the weight I put on in college, I made it one of my priorities to lose the weight I gained while pregnant and I’m happy to say that after starting running I lost it all way before Little Man’s 1^st Birthday! Since then I’ve completely slacked off with my exercise habits. I haven’t gained any weight back but I haven’t lost any either and that is why I’m participating in Flab to Fab Fridays. I NEED to lose the rest of the weight I put on in college especially if eventually one day I want to have another baby.

My goal is to lose 25 pounds. I weighed myself last Friday when I first saw Christa would be hosting this. Since then I’ve started running again, I’ve been watching what I eat, and have said goodbye to my BFF wine. I’m already down 3 pounds as of today!!!  

Plan

• Run 3x a week increasing mileage every week
• Cross Train (XT)  2x a week 
• Drink More Water