I am so confused right now. My ex (Little Man's father) started sending me a bunch of text messages this morning with numerous pictures from when we first started dating. For one I'm wondering why he has these pictures from 5 years ago on a cellphone that he just got Friday. I don't even have these pictures anymore at all. Along with the pictures the message read, "Do you remember the days when you actually loved me" and when I asked why he was sending these he responded with "We need to remember those days and make new ones". This is all weird coming from someone who hated my guts just last week. I don't know what to think.
You see 4 months ago I made the decision to end our relationship. I packed up 2 big suitcases and was gone. It's not that I didn't love him anymore we just didn't work. I had been feeling like I was settling and that our love for each other wasn't enough to keep the relationship going. I struggled for months with the decision but in the end I grew a pair and made the right decision for us. I wanted to end the arguing that had been putting un needed stress on ourselves and most of all our son.
Ever since our son was born it had been almost constant conflict. We come from two completely opposite backgrounds and upbringings and although it didn't matter when we were dating, throwing a child in the mix turned it into a big thing. As I family I wanted to go on vacations, have picnics in the park, go to the zoo etc all the things I remembered doing with my family. M (Little Man's dad) on the other hand didn't care for any of those things. He didn't have a family growing up so he didn't know why I was making everything a big deal. His main concern was making sure we had money because he didn't want Little Man to experience what he had as a kid. Not having food in the house, not having toys, new clothes etc. When I suggested things to do he never wanted to be involved. In fact he never was involved in anything. He rather sit in the house alone playing video games or buying random techno gadgets and drinking with friends. His explanation was always "This is the first time in my life I've had money. I want to enjoy myself and be a kid. I never had a childhood like you".
While I understand him wanting to do things he never got to do, the fact that we have a child means he can't ALWAYS do what he wants. Our relationship just got to the point where we both resented each other. I wanted him to act more like a partner and father and he disliked the fact that I was asking him not to do things that I myself had got to do. That is how our relationship deteriorated. We couldn't get past this. No amount of talking, explaining, worked and he didn't want to get counseling so I left. I felt like my son and I deserved someone who was present and willing to engage with us. Not someone who comes home and says "hey, I got this new video game so I won't be able to go to the fair with ya'll" or even though we haven't seen him the whole week "I just came home to get some things cuz the guys want to have a big weekend for so and so birthday".
I thought we closed this chapter in our life. What could he possibly want? Although, it would be nice for Little Man to have both his mom and dad present, I'm not trying to go back there. In the end things always end up the same. I've fallen for it before and refuse to put my life on hold again.
<3 Kim
Giiiiiiiirl. I can relate to this post on SO many levels. For one, for awhile after my relationship ended with my daughters father, I too tried to make him remember what we had, and the beautiful daughter we created. Tried to make him remember the good times, and have hope that our love and bond could get us through the bad times. Even recently, I catch myself trying to have him remember the good ol days. SIGH. It's so so hard. And its so so true that you don't know what you got till its gone, and it seems like thats what your sons father is realizing. He's realizing that he was being childish and immature, and he lost you and your son in the process. Too little too late. You and your son deserve someone who is going to consistently be present and engaging, not someone who is flighty. Stay strong in your decision to close that chapter in your life. But is it ever really closed considering that is the father of your child?
ReplyDelete{hugs}
I know what you mean. I was once there too. It's crazy how when it's over you suddenly ONLY remember the good times. It's like work remembering there is a reason why you shouldn't be together mainly because you can't cut them out your life totally. I feel like the lines are blurry because you have to be cordial for your child and sometimes that can be misconstrued as lingering feelings. I don't know. I'm gonna stay strong though because I can't keep putting my life on hold and starting over again for some fairytale that isn't going to happen.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm proud of you for putting your foot down and remaining determined to have better for you and your son. I always say don't settle for anything or anyone. While it's good for kids to have two parents who says that those two parents have to be the biological ones? And I came from a single parent home and have turned out just fine. In fact, we were all thrilled when my dad finally walked out on us for good. All the arguing and craziness that went on between he and my mom just destroyed our childhood because there were more bad times than good when he was in the picture it seemed.
ReplyDeleteIt's way better for a child to grow up in a happy single parent home than an unhappy, unstable two parent home. You deserve to move on with a man who is going to respect you and want to spend time with you and your son the way you wanted your ex too. Trust me God hears you and is sending Mr. Right your way. Just stayed focused and don't get sucked in on moving backwards, especially if you know your ex is not willing to put in the work or get help.